Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Broken

I have been thinking a lot about a couple of friends lately. Both are going through some pretty hard times. Nothing is harder than ending a relationship. I have gone through a couple of pretty bad ones myself. And the best advice I can give is...you will get through this.

My break up with the EX was devastating. I was numb for months. I didn't tell anyone I had moved out and was living at my mom's. I cried all the time. I didn't talk to anyone. A friend of mine told me at that time, the sparkle was gone from my eyes. And truth be told, it was. I was a functioning depressed person. The EX (not to be confused with GM) was the man I fell in love with, the man I thought I would grow old with, my partner in crime, the person who got me better than anyone else, my lover, my friend. And guess what? He was not the man I thought he was. Our relationship was flawed and I was just to deep in it to see all the faults. We were together for 5-6 years. Living together most of that time. And then it ended. We did the back and forth thing for YEARS. And I'm here to tell you, it was a waste of my time. I don't regret anything about this relationship. It made me what I am today.


But I am so glad we were young at a time when technology wasn't so present. I don't know what I would have done if Facebook would have been around, or texting or the internet. These things make it impossible to leave it alone. I stupidly looked up my EX on Facebook yesterday and guess what? He was there. Instantly, I felt like I was going to throw up. I don't care about this person anymore yet all the anxiety is still there.


It took a lot of PAIN to move on from this very unhealthy relationship. And it took me a lot of years to see all the flaws and why we weren't a good match. I am a better person today - I am happy and strong. I don't like to think back to that time. I would rather live each day and look forward to what lies ahead.


To my friends who are struggling - It will get better - I promise.

6 comments:

peterdewolf said...

That was brave of you to share.

Well done.

Kara said...

Thanks for the thoughts. I don't see it as brave. I'm pretty much an open book if someone wants to know about that part of my life - I'll share. It's just not that pretty. It was a very sad, awful time in my life.

I'm a much more fun to be around today. :)

Danielle said...

I think it is interesting that you just posted this. I was thinking just the other day about my biggest EX, and sometimes I think it would be so much easier to not see all the things on facebook. It is almost like any time he changes something I relive some of the pain I had already dealt with. Ugh...amazing how technology can do that to people.

Good post.

TheCynicalOptimist said...

Great post and so true. Technology does make it hard. I've cared about 4 men in my life... and I think I've looked them all up at some point- facebook, google, myspace. Just to see...

Jess said...

I'm convinced the only thing I'll ever need is the love of my family, friends, and a puppy. :)

This too shall pass...

stillarockstar said...

thanks for your insight and CARING! ;)